On Giving Up Vices

One of my biggest vices throughout adulthood has been the delicious goodness of Diet Coke. Although I kept planning to give it up, assuming that milestone birthdays would be a good time to forgo the beverage, those birthdays - the nasty ones ending in zero - came and went, and I still sought out the silver can.  Never would I have assumed that I would continue to drink soda this far into adulthood.

Finally, after years and years of going back and forth, I focused on some of the more unsavory ingredients... a kind of aversion therapy, if you will. Skip kept referring to my Diet Coke as "liquid death," and he reminded me that President Clinton also had a pesky Diet Coke habit that he ultimately kicked.  Finally, after researching some of the ingredients (granted, I knew they were all bad, but I was trying to really work up some repulsion) and asking myself often, "Do you want to be someone who drinks soda, or do you want to be someone who doesn't drink soda?" I made the call.

Now, let me stop here to say, in the event that you are a soda drinker, that I am definitely not implying that your habit is bad. Friends, I wasn't drinking a single Diet Coke a day. There were at least three and sometimes four - easily. During my 20's, the daily count would have been so high I refused to ever attach a number to it.  My problem was habitual, and it needed to stop.

How bad could it be, you ask? I may have told this story before, and please forgive me if that is so.  I went to a settlement mediation at a law firm five or six years ago. There were several interested parties at the table, and we were making opening statements before breaking up into caucus sessions (to try to reach a settlement agreement before proceeding to trial). Traditionally, it's considered a conciliatory gesture to establish rapport with the opposing party so we always exchange pleasantries while waiting for everyone to assemble. This person, let's call him Joe, had one of those large, insulated, 64 ounce, brightly colored cups sitting on the heavily polished walnut conference table. You know the type of cup, and it definitely stuck out against the overall aesthetic the firm was aiming for. When Joe was offered coffee, he declined, gesturing to his cup that, frankly, no one could have missed.  "Oh, you're a soda drinker, Joe?" Joe was not. In fact, Joe went on to explain that he never touched the stuff because a buddy of his used to drink 10-12 soft drinks per day and that he DIED from doing so. My ears immediately perked up beyond the "politely establish rapport," and I fixed an intent stare on him, willing him to elaborate. I wanted to shout, "WAS IT REGULAR SODA OR DIET SODA??!!"

Anyrate... so I recently decided to give them up. Instead of tapering consumption (as I have done many times in the past), I decided simply to stop drinking them. I believe this is the cold turkey method, and if I offend anyone by using such terminology with such a seemingly minor vice then you have not been around me enough to hear the symphony of sounds produced by my Diet Coke cans opening throughout the day. Having a caffeine-free existence was not part of my plan (I know there are arguments against caffeine, but I am no saint. This is the best I can do.), but I had failed to make arrangements for an alternate caffeine source. At the forty-eight hour mark things were bleak. I mean, I looked awful... my eyes were sunken... there were dark circles... and my pupils were flat... like no one was home, you know? Skip confirmed the state of affairs by stating the obvious: You aren't looking so good.  Before anyone thinks Skip was being unkind, let me assure you he was being exceedingly generous because I looked awful. The word wretched comes to mind, and I may have taken to quoting Otis Redding ("I have nothing to live forrrr... looks like nothing's gonna come my wayyyyy...")  I cracked and quickly drank a DC from the remaining four twelve-packs in the downstairs basement.

My mom was astounded that I would try to give up soda with a refrigerator full of drinks but honestly it made no difference. I would have gone to the end of the earth for that soda. I mean, it's not like I don't know where/how to procure more. There is no doubt that I would have loaded all three children into the car and driven to the store.  But the point with all of that is that I am weak.  No news there. Diet Coke definitely has my number.

I went back to the drawing board and found a caffeine source. Given my beverage weakness, green tea, with its many health benefits, was an obvious choice. Tazo's Zen green tea, "a harmonious blend of green tea with lemongrass and spearmint," is delicious. Now, I'll be honest and say that I initially mocked the product description on the side of the box.

zen

Through the screened front door, zingy lemongrass and spritely spearmint coax contemplative pan-fired green teas to come play. Calmly, lemon verbena opens the door and invites them all to a cup of tea.

I read that aloud to Skip each morning while waiting for the kettle to boil. Then I would work myself into a tangent about what constitutes good advertisement, and then concluded by faux-shouting, "JUST FOR THE TASTE OF IT!" That, of course, being Diet Coke's tried and true tagline for decades. For the first two weeks, I wanted to "pants" whoever wrote the Tazo zen description. (For some reason, I always use the expression "pants" when I mean "atomic wedgy," but I see explaining that has taken this post to an unprecedented level of juvenility. For accuracy, there you have it.)

All of that (above) was occurring in mid-April. Two weeks after starting the soda-free plan things were going remarkably well. I missed it terribly, but by the start of May I had made my peace with green tea and water. However, May is an exceptionally busy month, and I would normally tackle everything with the reliable fuel of multiple DC's throughout the day. Not surprisingly, I cracked again during the second week of May. However, this time I noticed a funny after taste. My Diet Coke tasted a little like cough syrup, and any irrational cravings went away after that. It's simply not something I crave any longer*.

Skip predicts this move will cause Diet Coke sales to plummet and will be the death knell for The CocaCola Company.

I no longer enjoy the "taste of it," but I have contemplative pan-fired green teas over to play each morning.

*As it turns out, the beverage temperature (the colder the better) is what I really crave. Substituting partially frozen water has worked brilliantly. Plus? No one dies from drinking (safe) water.